More with the sickness

Oh how sick I was last night, I won't describe it for you, that's how sick I was.

I'd been feeling crummy all day. But then, my period was a few days late and that often makes me nauseous. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm catching a cold—with congestion and aches and pains—but as soon as my period arrives the symptoms disappear so I assume that when that happens, it wasn't actually a cold at all. But then, what was it? Beats me . . .

Yesterday, in any event. was the nauseous variety. And it got worse as the day wore on. I made it to the grocery store after work, but only because I knew that warm-blooded beings that I love would not have eaten if I didn't. Afterward, I walked into the house and told Scott to get the bags because I needed to sit down or throw up. His choice.

Turned out I was just delaying the inevitable. But—no surprise here—I excel at delaying! So the worst didn't hit until 2:00 this morning.

I didn't get much sleep last night and my stomach is still a little tender this afternoon, but since I also—no surprise here i got my period around 2:00 this morning, I've been progressively feeling better.

Here are even more random thoughts: I weighed 201.2 pounds yesterday. I am going to the big party this weekend, and when I looked at my calendar I found that I had recorded my weight just before the big party last year at 203.8. I'm down 2.6 pounds. In other words, I'm pretty much maintaining and have been for over a year.

I will not stick to any kind of eating program or exercise program. I won't say that I can't, because I have done it before and for a nice long period of time. But in the last year or so, I have not done it. I start and stop. Over and over. Much more stopping than starting.

The longest period of time that I have managed to stick to an eating/exercising program was just after my divorce, and then it wasn't really a program, it was just cutting out the fat and cutting way back on portions. I remember eating a lot of pretzels, that's true (because they were nonfat, yo!) but I also remember eating lots of salads with chicken or tuna. In fact, I remember actually craving veggies. I find that so hard to believe but it's true.

Mark, can I get a witness?

But anyway, the next time I tried to drop some weight I turned to WW and once I started the WW it was like stepping onto The Wheel Of Diets and I've been rotating between WW and SB and Fatkins and NO DIET AT ALL ever since. I don't stick to any of them. I can't even stick to NO DIET AT ALL because that makes me panicky and I try something else.

I don't know how to fix this.

And today is the first day of the third month of the year.

On the positive side, I made and kept my appt. with the endocrinologist. I was extremely worried that she would tell me I needed to start taking insulin, but she didn't. I fessed up about everything and she suggested that I try sticking to the medication she'd prescribed to me originally and come back in three months to reassess. So I've been back on the explosive diarrhea medicine since the 18th of February.

And it turns out that it's only the explosive diarrhea medicine right in the very beginning. When I'm remembering to take it like I'm supposed to, it doesn't make me explode.

She also prescribed something for my high blood pressure. And took 95 vials of blood so I expect I'll be getting a scrip for high cholesterol any day now.

I'm a mess. So much for positive. Oh no, wait, it IS positive that I'm remembering to take both medications. Right.

As usual, the thought of even trying to get some kind of program going makes me ill.

You see why I haven't been posting.

Worth a visit